nysheArt expressAway

i am in major need for some serious accessories shopping. wait, “serious”? seriously. i do. i’ve put off lady’s shopping way too long (i bought 18 books last week. erk.) that when i saw all these gorgeous items i went ga-ga. huhu

so we finally had our family photo session. chaotic kids, we’re all bright red/pink, shoes & no shoes (haha, pijan) & fantastic food (you’re the best mum!). aidiladha begun yesterday but the feel lingered in the air days earlier when 10 cows were placed at the nearby park with rows of tents and the yard next to a pre-school. the lot slept until yesterday, where ‘qurban’ scheduled to be held. i didn’t go to watch the sacrifice. i couldn’t (thanks to a childhood memory witnessing one).
heavy rain just passed, but i am quite hot. my aching tonsil and cough might bring this sickness up a notch. please, no fever. lots of water is being drank.
funny, how needing no talking also reduce the writing appeal. (6.34pm)
(continue…)
did you watched the news where there were heavy rain too in Mekah? all my life, i’ve never heard of this weather accompanying the hajj crowds. and earlier this week, the ice breaks floating near NZ. though that wasn’t the 1st. still, this reminded me of life altering, major impact, and never being the same again. terrifying necessities. (11.25pm)

sometimes there aren’t any word that rightly fit to be formed.
sometimes my tonsil ache reminding me how golden silence is.
sometimes saying nothing is the perfect way to scream the hell out of my system.
there’s always a certain way certain someone breathe,
certain memory certain pain endured,
certain mystery certain gain rewarded.
know this, I love you.
know that you will feel love when it is sincere,
know there is nothing you can do to hold it back.
this universe is a marvelous blanket,
for everything that is true there’s a star for it to call home,
safe within you are my vessel.

book rave

I just bought 14 books at the Popular Book Fair at Amp Point. OMG. bits of heaven! RM1-RM5! *screams* over the moon right now. :)

p.s: Buffy, Angel, Tony Parson, Pink Panther, Van Gogh, The Book Thief. i forgot to pick the thick ‘Best of France’! must go again tomorrow =D

moving on

with the caffeine from the old town blended mocha kicking right now, i feel a little restless, on the edge preparing for a ride downward a slope. to crash.
truthfully, without, my life is kinda like that this past week. they say people dealt with death in your own ways. some people went all emotional, some suffered in silence. few remained calm and accepted it with open arms. but only few realized that which ever way you react to it, no one’s way is more right than the next. i mean, who am i to say, how people should feel?
i could suggest ways to deal with the feelings which comes later.
beyond doubt, letting things “bend before it breaks” is what makes us humans.
and it’s been 9 days since my grandmother died. since my 1st experience in my whole 29 years of living, dealt with death first hand. since i ever been in the bubble of the death scenario.
i am still processing.
i have enough knowledge to know why. more importantly, i believe in Allah.
i believe in life, death and after-life.
but that didn’t stop the tears to came down once in a while.
as i cautiously acknowledging reasons of my heart doing, at an edge, where evil whispers is at it’s loudest, i can’t help but wonder am i living? am i not 100% here ‘in the moment’. am i too scared to feel what i feel? am i even allowed to let it all out?
so i am writing. as you know, that is the only way out for me.
i missed her. more so i guess, cause i really was looking forward for Aidiladha with her. i really did. so did my lil sis.
tomorrow night, we might go for the kenduri arwah.
in the face of it all, I pray and always will for her soul to rest in peace among the faithful.